After months of test it was over. I had know ides what to expect after the last meeting. Was he going to vilified how I felt all these year. Was he going to say I have been overreacting all along. I have been pushing this horrible diagnosis on her. My husband and I both decided to go. We are a team and we raise her together. The doctor is not your typical uptight practitioner. He is very open and honest, but really knows his stuff. He first explained her IQ test. Some areas she tested higher then he thought she would. Over all she tested mid sixties. Again this was not a shock. In school she reads at a 2nd grade level. She also has a 2nd grade comprehension. Then he got into the interesting stuff. She had to make a pattern design with blocks. Most people would set it on the table and move them around. She set them up on top of each other. This was so interesting to me. She did figure our the puzzle this way. The doctor was shocks in all his years he never witnessed anything like this.
The next test was ink blots. In some of the more obvious ones she saw a wolf. Then she kept going on he says he could barely keep up. She said the wolf is licking his lips. Red flag went up she is identifying more with this picture then with people. If he said banana she would say. "I don't like bananas." If he said dance. "She would say I danced at homecoming last fall." This was clear to me and now to him. The world revolves around her. This is why it is hard to find friend. This is why her and her twin will never relate to each other. Towards the end of our meeting he was saving the big on till the end. The final two tests he did. Made him do a 360 from where he was at one month ago.
Both of the tests were similar they were pretty much cross checking each other. The big one was the psychosis test.. Proving once and for all I have not been crazy at all. My mother could not and probably would not ever accept the results. That is okay she is older and I can't change her thinking. On the psychosis scale she tested 90%. Which was very disheartening to see that in black and white. I knew all along she was dangerous she was a threat. Now I had proof these were some of the most sophisticated test that could be done. In the doctors final report. He said those words. He made it clear that he rarely would ever give a teen this diagnosis but he had no choice. She has been diagnosed in her lifetime with six different mental illnesses. Honestly I would take any of those over schizophrenia. Because in society people see that as the worst. The big one. Sadly it has a unjust reputation for being dangerous. She was dangerous however most people with schizophrenia are more likely to harm themselves then others.
I am not here to just focus on the negative. When I say she "was dangerous." That is true her meds have been a miracle worker for her symptoms. She has no hallucinations or scary tendencies. The doctor believe without a doubt if not for meds she would be a danger to society. Her narcissism is so bad she really does not have a conscious or remember about consequences. I believe if not for her meds she would be homicidal. Believe me that is a though thing to say, however is is the complete truth. The facts are Tasha may live with us forever. That is a fact I had to learn how to accept that. She will have a job someday. She will get a high school completion certificate. Her illness will test her limits and ours. Everyday we start out fresh with her everyday we all gets a new beginning. No matter what happened the day, week, or month before. Everyday is a new challenge and the fight continues. Giving up is not a option.
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