In those two years before I accepted her illness. I gave up in a way. I was the one pulling in the large salary. So I was never home and if I was I was sleeping. I felt my Husband was home so she was his problem. Little did I know how fractured my husband and her relationship was. He also gave up he just let her do what ever also. So as anyone could imagine. Our house had two fifteen year old who were constantly at war with each other. Then there was a little brother ten years difference witnessing all of this. A mother who was always working and when I was home I was always pissed off. A husband that did his best he knew how.
This continued threw the Summer until my hours at work drastically changed. The company decided there managers needed to spend more time with there families so we went down to four days. This was the first time in five years I was forced to be home. I was forced to see what my family had turned into. I saw a very spoiled Natalie that only cared about what she wore. She would also loose her temper without notice and turn on her sister. I saw a Husband so exhausted his only retreat was going on the computer to get a break from it all. I saw Tasha running the house mostly using fear as her guide. Knowing how to manipulate everyone around her. The saddest of all I saw my four year old son. So isolated day after day. He would rather play all day in his room then bother with anyone else. I also noticed he was not thriving. He did not recognize letters or numbers. I knew him going into school the following year this would be a issue. I put all of my effort into him. He was my focus. The girls were to far gone to help at that point.
Two months into my new schedule I remember driving to work and crying because I had to help Tasha. I was ready to ask for a personal leave because I could not work and help her at the same time. I tried my best at work but struggled to please new management. The week I decided to ask for a leave I lost my job. I went into a whole realm of depression. I worked there for thirteen years and to just be told sorry we don't want you anymore was devastating. I cried for one day and decided everything happens for a reason and this maybe Gods way of saying it's time to slow down.
My main focus was to make sure the kids had insurance. Tasha meds were one hundred dollars a month with insurance. With out over five hundred. I received insurance right away I could check that off my list. Next thing I had to apply for unemployment our income took not a hit but explosion. I was accepted within weeks of applying for that also. I knew my payout threw this company was going to be huge. So I knew I had at least a year to really focus on my family. Tasha also had to find a knew doctor. We had to go threw the county mental health office. This was a whole new thing she had to be diagnosed again. Go threw all of the tests again. At the time this seemed frustrating, but little did I know this was a blessing in disguise.
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